The "X Chronicles" 101

At one point in life, I proclaimed that if I don't spill, I may explode. I started spilling on a MySpace blog and... well... MySpace is just a child's game and so I nixed that whole idea for something a bit more wholesome: a diary. I kept a diary forever and ever, and then this whole big huge thing happened and it went something along the lines of I-Now-Live-With-My-Ex-Husband-To-Avoid-Splitting-Custody and my ex-mother-in-law discovered my little black book. Now... what you, the reader, need to understand is that this woman is ALWAYS nice, and I could tell by the ever-so-slight decrease in her niceness, that something negative took place and that I was not supposed to find out about it. So now I am opting for a more discreet spill but a hearty one while at it, and I do solemnly swear to realize that if this spill were to be discovered, it will wreak havoc and cause mass destruction of catastrophic measures... But here we go anyway:


My name is Ms. Ex and I am steadily strolling the path to a Jerry Springer show. I'm 26, thin, witty and attractive, and in my luggage here are an ex-husband and a little daughter. I've never lived in a trailer, collected welfare, or child support, and I consider myself to hold very high standards for all things in life. With that being said, I feel it acceptable to move on with my intro story here.

A few years ago, I came to a very important conclusion that I couldn't force myself to fall in love with Mr. Ex and that the marriage we had needed to be dissolved, and the sooner the better. How did we get married? Well, you see, I met a little man named Mister Jello Shot. Mister Jello Shot decided to jump into my mouth with Mr. Ex following closely into my pants, and lo and behold, I was pregnant. Now... I didn't know that this really happens quite often since I'd led somewhat of a sheltered life, but when I told my mother she immediately screamed "marriage" and off we went to a little room with a big shiny label that said "Marriage Licenses" and then and there we were married, I in blue jeans and a brown shirt, and he in who cares what. Oh, yes... a blue button-up shirt and jeans. The marriage cost $15-seriously. Since I had already been pregnant, I didn't have any liquor and we went home and resumed our lives as a "married" couple, me with a growing belly and a growing dislike for this thing I married, and he with a growing video-game collection.

I've always made these tragic mistakes in all my relationships... I was always the perfect girlfriend. I cooked, I cleaned, I took part and interest in their hobbies, their tastes, I compromised, I gave freedom, I could hold a conversation about a subject I had absolutely no idea about, and all of this while still standing my ground and not backing down for anything or anyone, but politely so. Add to that the fact that animals, children, and parents, as well as elders always adored me. I've never had a clean break-up... I've never had a relationship I wanted to be in. It was always just a place I found myself and stayed in order not to hurt anyone's feelings. I'd eventually start feeling trapped and flee only to end up being stalked or otherwise inconvenienced by guilt or calls to my parents. And so... I'm 26 years old. I have a great job, I have a great sense of style, I'm witty, pretty and funny, and I've never been in love. But I do have a daughter that I love more then life itself and a dog that follows closely behind. And an ex-husband whom I live with and an ex-boyfriend that's been stalking me for 6 years.

So now that you know all that, you should see that I divorced Mister Ex simply because I couldn't fall in love with him and could no longer pretend to love him. I figured that I'd be happier with my daughter alone, but I swear that this man promised someone that he was going to make my life miserable with or without him, and so he decided that he'd pursue the fact by insisting we split custody. I couldn't stand to be alone, I rode the depression train for three whole years, every other week, and after three years decided that it wasn't worth it and that we could live together and that I could stand him in order to see my daughter every day.

I vowed and I swore, and I WILL do it. But if I don't spill, I will surely explode. And if I explode... well, that just wouldn't be any good. So here is a start to the "X-Chronicles", this little place in cyberspace where I can gather these random acts of insanity and never kindness into one handy little page to help me remember the ways I passed my youth, the lessons I aimed to learn, and the pricks and thorns that came along.

P.S. - Pardon any gramattical errors, English isn't my first language.

P.P.S. - I do hope you enjoy reading this as much as I will writing it.